1. Raptors Win, Raptors Win, Raptors Win!
TJ Ford runs an efficient offense, Moon drives the ball, Delfino is a consistent player, Humphries passes first, Mitchell runs a 3 point play for Kapono, Bosh doesn't need to score 40 points every game, and Bargnani looks un-bewildered. Raptors win!
2. Dallas Wins 9th Seed!
Goodbye Dallas. It's nice to see that you mortgaged your future for J-Kidd. Here are 9 other things that are better than you: Hornets, Spurs, Jazz, Lakers, Suns, Rockets, Nuggets, Warriors and Ice Cream.
3. Morris Peterson Wins Finals MVP!
New Orleans makes the Finals and Mo-Pete goes for the greatest streak shooting display in NBA history, hitting 32 three pointers in one game. He makes every two point shot while getting fouled so that he never gets less than 3 points. Game 7 comes down to one last 3 point play, but before Peterson can get the ball, Vince Carter streaks onto the court and slaps him, pushing Carter out of the way Peterson gets ejected, and everyone in the world realizes that VC is the biggest knob-job in the NBA.
4. Utah Jazz Games Will Go Un-Televised!
The Utah Jazz are the Pittsburgh Pirates of the NBA, except they win. "Oh yeah... I forgot about that team. Are they in the playoff hunt? 4th? really?" So in keeping with this tradition of ignoring Utah the NBA will not televise their games. OR if they do decide to put them on TV, they'll make the Jazz uniforms out of a bright green so that they can be digitally eliminated from the broadcast. Phoenix will appear to play unopposed, but somehow still lose in 6.
5. Pistons vs. Spurs!!!!!!!
Because there is no justice in the world, this will be the finals match up. One of the most exciting NBA seasons in at least 10 years will wither out with this battle of boring. Who needs Celtics vs Lakers when you have Big Fundamentals vs Big Execution and nary an exciting play to be found.
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